The Year Behind…

New Years Eve is a time when people reflect on the year’s memories. We take inventory of our successes and failures; our moments of glory and sadness. What could we have done differently? What could we improve? What are we glad turned out the way it did in the end? New Years Eve is not just about the year that’s coming to an end. But also about the year that lies ahead. It’s a time where no goal seems unattainable, and no dream seems delusional.

The picture to the right was posted early this year. It was in hopes that this year would bring love, happiness, and adventure. The year began on a rooftop patio over looking the San Francisco Bay. I was with my special someone and we had champagne glasses in our hands, prepared to toast to the New Years fireworks that were to light up over the Golden Gate Bridge. But when the clock struck midnight, we were let down. The fireworks were on the other side of the house, facing the Bay Bridge. We were missing the show. I suggested we run outside to catch them. But it was raining. Hard. And my special someone didn’t want anything but to go back inside and stay there. I ran out to the street, determined to catch them alone. But I missed them.

And so began 2011.

I was dumped in a brutal way in January, as many know. What some don’t know, is I stuck around to make it work, before being left for an ex girlfriend from a decade ago…a la “The Notebook”. It’s a humiliating confession to make, but many forget their own humiliations when they slowly shake their heads. I got myself in a tangled mess I’m immensely ashamed ever happened. I confided things in people that I shouldn’t have, I said things I didn’t mean, I fell into a deep denial, my words were twisted, and I lost a few friends I really cared about. I’m not sharing this for pity, as I did, in fact, put myself in these circumstances. (Like most of my predicaments that stem from my poor decisions.)

When I was finally shattered, beaten and had burned myself alive enough, I met a new friend in San Francisco, who offered a spare room in Saint-Etienne, France. I had family all over Europe, that I had never met, so I entertained the thought. At that same time, an old friend mentioned he and his family were traveling to Germany that same week, and being that they worked for United, I would be able to fly with them first class for $180. These were all the signs I needed. I threw all my stuff in storage, and said a few hysterically sloppy goodbyes, and hopped on to my First class, non-stop flight to Europe.

France was surreal. I saw some of the most beautiful landscapes and drank some of the finest wine. But best of all, I made some of the best friends of my life. The experiences through France, Italy and Spain were more than memorable. It wasn’t just an average trek through Europe. I lived in every piece of land I stepped on. The blazingly romantic sun beating down on the cobble stone streets; the fresh sea breezes from the Bay of Biscay; the ever present guitar strumming mysteriously alluring beats in every alley, every bridge pass, every seemingly unclaimed road… But most of all, the great fortune of meeting my family I had heard about for all my life and never met.

The adventures ended in Germany, where I was finally able to finish a book I had been reading for 3 years; “The Book of Laughter and Forgetting” by Milan Kundera. The book is a bunch of intertwined stories of private longings and nostalgias during a time of oppression. It’s a book that explores the 7 aspects of human existence. The book ends with a story of absurdity, and depicted how easily humans forget. Not just details, facts or even happy moments; But also, tragedy and the way a particular significant event or emotion felt. Already, San Francisco and all that came before it felt like another life time.

While I don’t believe all things happen for a reason anymore, I am ceaselessly amazed at the magic of cause and effect. The domino effect always has a way of making me glad things turned out the way they did. Had any piece of the year been missing, things could have headed in an entirely different direction. And it is this very thing that comforts me by allowing me to believe that no matter which way things go, good things are always ahead.

May 2012’s dominos lead you all to much love, happiness and adventure….as 2011 brought me.

~ by Keira Dazi on December 31, 2011.

One Response to “The Year Behind…”

  1. Wow keira loved this post. It’s absolutely beautiful to see what journey life is taking you through. I’m incredibly so happy for you I can’t even say how much. I only wish the loveliest of years for you to come!! Gros bisous!!

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